Apocalypse Now in Brum

Right now, Kai Humphries and I are sitting in the hotel bar of the Holiday Inn in Birmingham, witness to about 8 adults, all friends who have just had a massive domestic dispute about whose fault it was in getting them kicked out of a club they’ve just returned from.Kai and I were enjoying a post-gig kebab in the hotel bar whilst watching a repeat of Harry Hill’s TV Burp. All was going well as we laughed at Harry’s antics and talked about comedy and life stuff, all was well in our world. Then, out of nowhere a group of people entered quite raucously and sat next to us, despite there being acres of space available. For some reason, peaceful people are magnets for belligerent bellends. The group have sat down and seemed to be okay for the most part, albeit a bit too loud and disturbing the peace Kai and I had been enjoying.It’s suddenly become apparent that they had been kicked out from a club for the particular actions of one of there group, which happened to be a girl. Now that the blame has been pinned on her, she flipped out at her friends in a torrent of pathetic adult emotional recklessness as her male friend shouted blame at her akin to the kind of domestic abuse reserved for straight-to-TV movies about muscly evil men and persevering women who choose the bad boy over the nice guy, because logic refuses to be absorbed by their 21st century maverick independence.It’s calmed down now, but it’s ruined the fun Kai and I were enjoying, although we’re laughing about it under our breaths, sharing cheeky looks at each other as it all escalated whilst I record the audio on my phone, tweet about it and blog about it on my laptop right behind them only a few feet away. Thanks to Gary Delaney for welcoming tweet – @kaihumphries @imranyusuf Welcome to Birmingham!What I’ve learnt from this all is that adults might look different from children, but little actually changes in life as we just continue to succumb to other forms of emotional manipulation from wanting toys, friends and acceptance, to more expensive material trappings, more friends and more acceptance and recognition. And after this screaming and almost violent spectacle amongst drunken friends, it’s apparent to me that human beings will fail to make the most of life, because the majority of emotionally insecure space cadets with no conflict-resolution skills other than shouting and fighting, will be keeping human progress stymied by about 400%, or at the very least ruining our peaceful post-gig kebab experience.Human culling anyone?

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